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Furry Fandom: The Trash Monsters

He rocks Crocs.

He sports jorts.

He’s a disgusting creature never to be trusted.

No, no, this isn't Mario Batali.

A mascot in and of himself, the cinnamon-roll aficionado Mario Batali is what some may say is the human form of what the Portland Sea Dogs pass off as their own secondary mascot: a Trash Monster.


This knockoff Oscar the Grouch exists to presumably eat trash. But according to the Trash Monster's biography, there's more than meets the eye when it comes to this Aaahh!!! Real Monsters wannabe.

He has hobbies: recycling and cleaning. Now, the cleaning part, I buy. But the recycling? Is he picky about what he eats? Are plastic and glass the gluten to his trash celiac disease? Where does a trash monster recycle? These are not setups to a Laffy Taffy wrapper joke. These are unanswerable and, frankly, embarrassing questions.


He has a favorite song: Yakety Yak. Not to be confused with Yakety Sax aka The Benny Hill song. It's a different song altogether. But, hilario…

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