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Showing posts from 2012

Favorites of 2012: Abbreviations

Millennials. Can't live with 'em. Can't...oh look! Something distracting!

Back to Millennials. We don't have time to speak complete sentences. Sometimes complete words. Below are my favorite ways I avoided doing so in 2012. While I didn't come up with these and they may not have started this year, they've made their way into my lexicon in 2012, for better or for worse.

Short for:

When to use: 
in response to someone as a one word affirmation that you are aligned with them.

In a sentence: 
Person 1: What do you think about dinner at 8pm?
Person 2: Perf
Person 1: What about dinner at 8pm followed by cookies, then cupcakes, then rice pudding?
Person 2: Double perf.

Secret: Person 2 is me.

Short for:

When to use: 
business meetings to sound sophisticated, but still like you can hang with the kids

In a sentence: 
As you can see, our revenue situash is killin' it as we are just flush with monies.

Short for:


Favorites of 2012: Beers I Drank

Gone are the years of drinking The Dirty 30 and The Beast due to the fact that I didn't have any money. Now I can afford to have a nicer beer or two before I polish off the case of Keystone. This year, I had the privilege of drinking a variety of beers in a variety of cities. Here are the Top 5 Beers I Drank in 2012 and where I enjoyed them:

Dogfishhead 60 Minute IPA Randall'd
Easy Tiger - Austin, TX
Pale Ale

Way back in the year 2011, I did not like hoppy beers. I couldn't enjoyably drink an IPA. Then, one day during a trip down to Austin this summer, everything changed. EVERYTHING.*

I was sitting at the beer garden  Easy Tiger while my buddy was describing this machine that a few hundred bars in the country have. It's called Randall the Enamel Animal and it is beautiful. It takes your Dogfishhead 60 Minute IPA from the tap and essentially runs it through hops again. And Easy Tiger has one.

Of course, at the time, I thought this sounded terrible. Why would I want to have…

Favorites of 2012: Movies

You only got 5 albums yesterday. Well you get 10 movies today. I listen to a lot of music, but I also re-listen to a lot of music. With movies, I typically don't re-watch them until they're out of the theater.

So here you go. Here are my top 10 favorite movies of the year. I promise there are no spoilers.

Looper taught us two things:
1) Joseph Gordon Levitt will grow up and marry Demi Moore and have a kid named Ashton Kutcher.
2) JGL and Rian Johnson need to keep making movies together. Their first together, Brick, is a great spin on the detective noir story. And it had implications of great things to follow. Looper seals the deal. Keep them coming, please.

There's one major flaw with the movie's logic, but's time travel so what do you expect? It doesn't detract from how great the film is.

The Muppets
I had a huge smile on my face throughout and I still do. Segel should be required to write a movie every year, switching off between a raunchy Apato…

Favorites of 2012: Albums

For the remaining days of 2012, I'll be listing out my favorites of the year. I'm not calling these the 'Best of 2012" because I don't necessarily think they're the best; just MY favorites.

Today, I've listed out my favorite albums of the year. So for this list, if you have other opinions, let me know as a suggestion, not as an attack. Because I'm open minded. Unless your music is terrible.

Here you go. Here are my favorite albums of the year, in no particular order.
SHIELDS - Grizzly Bear I knew I'd love this album before I even heard it. I knew so much that I pre-ordered the gold pressing. And I don't regret it. When spinning something gold colored, you'd expect something this perfect to come through the speakers. And it does.

I also had the privilege of seeing these guys at Radio City earlier this year. I can't recommend their live show enough. Do it.

Good Kid M.A.A.D. City - Kendrick Lamar
Because of this record, I now have the social…

The Old Home Guard

Hey guys. I'm writing about a band.

This band that I mentioned in the sentence above just before this one is The Old Home Guard out of Dallas, TX.

This band has jettisoned me out of writer's block and/or/but also laziness and into creative dreamland of creative dreams. This band has uplifted my depression from the Kardashian/Humphries divorce (current[?] events!). This band has allowed me to love myself, and my neighbor - specifically my neighbor Susan.

How can a group of young men create such a whirlwind of emotions and feelings and bodily fluids?

Download one of their shows from earlier this year and you tell me. Click here to become audibly pregnant.

"Chris, you're such a sell out and use your blog fame just to promote your friends' band!"
- Me in the mirror this morning

My response is 4-fold:
1) It's my blog. I can do whatever I want with it.
2) People read this? Who? Tell me. Please. Tell me.
3) Did the band tell you they're my friends? Please. T…

Baby's First Festival

BREAKING NEWS (if you owned a time machine and could go back 2 weeks):

Two weeks ago, I attended my first music festival.

This may come as a surprise to you. Yes, I like music. In fact, I love music. In facter, I lust music. In factest, I need music. So how come I've never been to a festival?

Let me answer your question with another question: WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'VE NEVER BEEN TO A MUSIC FESTIVAL? Oh. I already admitted that..

The reason for having never gone to a music fest is simple: I've just never gotten around to it. The festival that helped me get over my fear of being in a large sea of sweaty drunk people that all have to pee was the 7th Annual Fun Fun Fun Fest (FFF Fest) in Austin, Texas. Does that name sound stupid to you? Does this LOOK stupid to you?

The asterisk here is that I've attended Fun Fun Fun Fest years ago, but only for a few hours. This time, I went for the full 3 days.

Things I learned at my first festival experience:

Avoid a BandTANa
We forgo…

Blogging by Candlelight

Posting an entry that I wrote by hand and by candlelight during the East Village power outage thanks to Hurricane Sandy. I later found out that a transformer exploded. The point is, I went old school for this one: Pen. Paper. Candlelight.

This Monday at approximately 7:45 pm EST, I lost power. As a coincidence, my phone lost service at the same time. And of course, by "coincidence", I mean "typical benefit of being an AT&T customer".

As ANOTHER coincidence, I was in the middle of watching last Sunday's The Walking Dead. Why is this is coincidence? Because they don't have any power on that show. Except for Rick Grimes. He has lotz of power right ladyz jk he is NOT doing well morally. Seriously though, they have no electricity.

So, as I am writing this by candlelight, I can't help but think about what lies ahead in the coming days of New York City. Will it be a river city like Venice? Will it be overrun by animals from the NY Aquarium? Will it be a de…

Oh Please Say You Won't Stay, Oh Sandy

She's here. Hurricane Sandy is here to help sell flashlights and destroy homes. And she's all done helping to sell flashlights. Some descriptions of Sandy I've heard and/or made up:

"Storm of the Century"
"The Perfect Storm"
"Bodhi's Dream Girl"
"The Reckoning Thanks To Here Comes Honey Boo Boo"
"Ace Hardware's Economic Stimulus Package"

East Coasters have been advised to either prepare or to evacuate. Mayor Bloomberg has been urging NYCers to stock up on supplies.

My supply list:

WaterFlashlightBatteriesReading lightWhiskeyFig NewtonsA Snuggie fort (filled with more Fig Newtons)
I feel so awful for those with the same names as hurricanes. If Hurricane Sandy destroyed your home, could you ever date someone named Sandy while knowing how destructive and devastating a storm with the same name was? You'd have to have a pretty wicked Bad Boy Complex that rivals some girls from my high school.

Back to more pressing mat…

Buggin' Out

"Good night. Sleep tight. Don't let the bed bugs ruin your life for two weeks while you pack up all of your stuff and wash everything you own, trying to isolate the 10 ft x 10 ft apartment you squeeze into in New York City."  - Peter Venkmen, from my fan fiction and/or dreams in which we are BFFs New York City has a bed bug issue. This isn't new news. Unfortunately, there's not a whole lot you can do to prevent an infestation. You can protect your things with covers, but you never know when someone is going to bring them into your home, your tiny tiny New York home.

My biggest fears (in order):
heightsMerriam-Webster recognizing "YOLO"NBC canceling Communityunavoidable back hairbed bugs Recently, my roommate discovered bed bugs in her room. Bed bugs (aka Bed Buddyz) live in fabrics, normally bedding. They hang out near your headboard and come out at night to drink your blood which seems like a steamy Stephanie Meyer romance novel in the making.


Fashionista Shmashionista

This morning, I got to work with a fresh haircut from the weekend. I was feeling great.

I was feeling great until I looked in the mirror and realized my sideburns were uneven by about an inch. Oh God. What do I do? Do I run to the Duane Reade down the street and get a razor? Do I walk the 10 minutes home to fix it? Then I realized that I didn't really care. I'd deal with it when I got home.

I understand it's my appearance. But I also understand that unless I point it out, no one is going to notice. I'm not going to be the person that gets complimented on my shirt, but then points out that I have the remnants of BBQ sauce stains down the front, sides, and back.

Now, I am a self proclaimed expert in a lot of fields: Wilco discography, green tea flavors, and seduction by way of Star Wars references to name a few.

Some things I am a self proclaimed non-expert in are fashion and overall appearance.

It's not that I don't care what I look like. I care, but my prioriti…


The great Paula Cole once reflected, "Where is my lonely ranger? Where have all the cowboys gone?"

Don't worry. I'm right here. I haven't gone anywhere. The posts have slowed down a bit, but with good reason. I was starting a Tumblr. Hahahahahahahahahahaha Tumblr has been around for awhile, you guys.

"Hey Chris, 2007 called."
"Yeah, what did it say?"
"It said it was just calling to say hi. And also, it wants your technology choices back. Also, your haircut."

So now I have two websites. I will still update this blog regularly with my musings on whatever I am thinking regardless of public interest. I've set a precedent and I am a man of principle.

This new blog was inspired by fantasy football. Every day, my friends and I come up with different nicknames for players. One of my friends even said it's almost the main reason he plays - just to come up with names. The Tumblr is a collection of these names and the pictures that come…

Review: A Song of Fire and Ice (through three)

After receiving really great feedback regarding my "Hunger Games" review, I have decided to also review the A Song of Fire and Ice series (known to most as Game of Thrones). I've only read the first three books, but I think over 3,000 pages into a series warrants a chance to publicly reflect.

So here is my review of George R. R. Martin's series through A Game of Thrones, A Clash of Kings, and A Storm of Swords:

The books are really good. Like really good.

Thank you for your time,

Storm King

To my real friends, Storm King is my self appointed nickname during my Throne Thursday dinner parties (my sigil is a blue crest with a skewered chicken tender and a couch).

To the general public, Storm King is a 500 acre open air museum in Mountainville, New York, approximately an hour north of NYC.

Storm King is a beautifully landscaped sight to behold. We're still talking about me, right?

The real Storm King is a wide open grassy, hilly, and forested landscape with huge pieces of modern art (strategically?) placed throughout. This past weekend, I visited with a few friends.

Modern art isn't really my thing. Art really isn't my thing. But I do enjoy art. I don't even know if "appreciate" is the right word. I appreciate the amount of time spent on a project, but my mind can't process what makes art good or bad. For example, take the large pieces of metal off in the distance in the above picture. I enjoyed seeing those, but I refuse to believe it took a de…

Furry Fandom: Otto the Orange

Otto the Orange
Syracuse Orangemen
This one hits close to home. Kind of. I grew up a Syracuse fan. The fandom was passed on to me by my parents. I was a fan through the McNabb era and a fan when Gerry and Melo finally helped Boeheim win in 2003.

But I didn't attend Syracuse. So while I still pull for them, it's hard for me to associate myself with their teams. One thing stayed constant though: my brain being insanity pretzeled by Otto the Orange.

That giant ball of orange confused me as a kid and confuses me even more now. Look at him. His nose is the most bulbous thing I've seen until I take into account his body as a whole. SOMEONE GET HIM P90X. Poor Otto has probably never been able to refer to his frame as a 'beach body'.

Otto is also fighting an uphill battle with his ear shoulders. When he's trying to pump up the crowd, miming "Let me hear you!", where does he cup his hand? And then how does he hear you?

The most confusing thing to me is that wh…

I Do (Love To Party)

"I am just a boy, standing in front of a computer, asking you to read this."

This past weekend, I had the pleasure of attending the wedding of two of my good friends. It was one of the most fun weddings I've ever attended. And I've been to a lot of weddings. Put me next to Katherine Heigl and I look like an old maid.

What makes a wedding fun for a guy? Obviously the day is about the bride. It's a day her whole life has been leading up to and the spotlight is hers for that weekend. But her happiness is still correlated to how much fun everyone else is having with her on her special day.

I need to preface this post with two things:
1) I have yet to be at a wedding where I didn't have fun (even if nothing in this post happened). So I am not in any way saying that one of my friends' weddings was better than another.
2) This is not a pre-plan of my own wedding, Mom.

I'm a man. No matter what my cardigan collection and Bravo TV knowledge may lead you to bel…

Texas Trip - Part 3: All My Friends

We here at This Is How We Jardieu It joke around a lot. Considering it’s just me writing when I have downtime, it’s a pretty fun place to work. Lighthearted posts and pop culture references dominate this blog, producing gimmicky content. I’m not apologizing. I'm just saying that for this specific post, I will shoot you straight. Real talk, as the kids say.

All in all, I miss you, Texas. You were good to me for my first 24 years with you and you continue to be good to me when I come back to visit – now older, wiser, and with a better collection of cardigans.
My family is there. My friends are there. My college is there. My favorite beer is there. The hospitality is unparalleled.

Despite growing up in Texas, I never considered myself a real Texan. My parents are from upstate New York. We never owned a truck or listened to country music or wore cowboy boots.
After two and a half decades in the state, it took leaving it for me to really appreciate it. Don’t get me wrong. I love New …

Texas Trip - Part 2: Bringing Sweaty Back

We all have them. We all tolerate them. We all just turn a blind eye. I’m talking about our Facebook friends who post pictures of their car’s temperature in the summer. We get it. It’s hot.
Not being one to follow trends (Crocs being the exception), I decided to do something different. I live tweeted my back sweat.  Gross?
I say nay. I say that the human body is beautiful and I am God’s creation and I want to share who I am and how glistening my body can be. The Dove® Campaign for Real Beauty
Davy Crockett said it best when he declared, "You may all go to hell and I will go to Texas.. jk it's super hot there too."

I guess some of you don’t have Twitter, otherwise I would have gotten like 80 RTs because these are honest and true and please pay attention to me.
We start here:

Texas Trip sans sweat to be continued tomorrow… Read Part 1 here.
Full hearts,

Texas Trip - Part 1: Friends with Kids

It’s been 7 months since I last set foot on Texas soil - that sweet sweet boiling lava ‘soil’.
Last week, I had a wedding and a work meeting in the Dallas area. Everything is bigger in Texas, including trips there. I decided to stay for 10 days.
Kicking off the trip, I had the aforementioned wedding. It was at 6pm. In the summer. In Texas. Some wrestlers and fighters sleep in trash bags or hit the sauna so they can make weight. If you want to lose water weight, just wear a full suit and a tie to a Texas summer wedding. And be my dancing partner.
The morning after the wedding, my friends and I decided to go down to the river. If you’re interested in that sub-trip, you can read about it here.
Throughout the week, I worked during the day, surprisingly productively. At night, I was able to see family and friends. Seeing family is great, but I’ll spare you the details of my mom asking me, “New York is expensive, isn’t it?” – her ‘subtle’ way of asking me to move back home.
During one of …

LOL PPL: Kittenpants

Two truths and a lie:
I have friends.I have funny friends.I have people that I know who are funny. jk it's two lies and a truth! So there's a person I know who I talk to sometimes and who also talks to me occasionally who is very funny. Her name is Darci, and she is aka'd as Kittenpants.

Over on her website, Kittenpants Lives, she wrote some cliches. Like this one -
Birds of a feather flock together because birds are racist pieces of shit.Then she dropped this two-for-one-special - Don’t cry over spilled milk unless it’s spilled onto the divorce papers I’m sending you. I’m having an affair.Also, don’t cry over spilled milk because there’s no crying in Spilled Milkball. She also showed her love of history -
A good rule of thumb was the benevolent King Thumbulus, IV. And origins of cliches:
“It ain’t over til the fat lady, Sting.” -Sting’s pimp Lots of laffs. Go hereto find yourself...also for her full "Cliche It Ain't So" post with lots more of these.

Part 2, aka &…