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Showing posts from February, 2012

Goin' Gorillaz w/ James Murphy & Andre 3000

The latest edition of Converse's "3 Artists 1 Song" collaborations teams up the Gorillaz, James Murphy, and Andre 3000. My music pants are doing backflips.

Download the free track here.

Personally heard about this through Old Waver's site.

Furry Fandom: Biscuits, Mad Ants, & Hilltoppers

Nothing beats the experience of actually being at a sporting event. The fans. The hot dogs. The wave. And of course, the mascots. Players, coaches, and even ownership can change, but your team's mascot is the identity of the franchise.

I am fascinated by mascots. And I am fascinated by the branding of mascots, especially when they make absolutely no sense.

This is the first installment of "Furry Fandom". Each week, I'll post another mascot that has forced my brain to short circuit. To kick it off, I've chosen three of my favorites.


Monty Biscuit & Big Mo
Montgomery Biscuits
The story of Monty Biscuit is a sad, confusing, and seemingly savory one. The Montgomery Biscuits, a Tampa Bay Ray's AA affiliate, have two mascots. One is the above Ron Swanson dream of a buttermilk biscuit with butter for a tongue. The other is an overweight and orange anteater-ish "animal" named Big Mo.

Monty is featured on all of the team hats, jerseys, and logos. Big Mo i…

Givin' On Up

"I'm giving up giving anything up for Lent."
- Every dad. Every Lent.

Each year, millions of people observe 40 days and 40 nights of Lent, sacrificing something they love as a form of penance before Easter. For those who aren't familiar with the 40 days and 40 nights of sacrifice, just watch that Josh Hartnett movie, Lucky Number Slevin.


As a kid, you know Lent as the time your church forces you to give up candy. You try to get by with the thinking that instead of passively giving something up for Lent this year, you will actively do some good - be nice to your sister every day or do your chores on time. Approximately 36 hours into that Lenten promise, you're back to giving up candy, but ummm...only chocolate.



As an adult, Lent is an afterthought. You're too focused on the pre-party, Mardi Gras (known to some as Fat Tuesday - or to me as Tuesday). This is a day to gorge yourself before the season of sacrifice. Amongst the hazy barrage of beads, alcohol, and f…

Book Racks on Racks on Racks

My typical Friday afternoon conversation at the water cooler:
Me: What are you up to this weekend?
Coworker: Nothing really. Just have this kickass party to go to with kickass friends to drink kickass booze while listening to kickass music with tons of kickass ladiezzzz. The host said I can invite whoever I want. What are you doing this weekend?
Me: Oh that sounds great. I don’t have any plans. I was thinking of really digging into this second Hunger Games book. I devoured the first one and just CANNOT decide if I’m Team Gale or not. Wait. Where are  y….? Ok see you on Monday! The takeaway from the very real and not made up at all conversation above is that I love books. I also love owning books. Recently moving to NYC, I had to keep 80% of my books in storage (aka my mom’s house).  Seeing how many books I own and how much space they take up brought forth an obvious question: Why don’t I just get a Kindle?
When facing a tough decision in my life, I have two ways of choosing which side I…

Now YOU Can Be Not Funny!

How to create a terribly unfunny and unoriginal meme...

What my friends think I do:
Insert an image of people having fun like an office party.

What my parents think I do: Insert an image of people either doing good in the world or being tame like a 1950s TV character with the same profession.

What society thinks I do: Insert an incredibly stereotypical image like hippies.

What my boss thinks I do: Insert an image of a monkey doing your job.

What I think I do: Insert a similar image for the 'parents' panel except slightly different like a 2012 TV character with the same profession.

What I actually do: Insert an unbelievably underwhelming image like sitting at a desk.


HAHAHAHAHALOLOLOLOLOLOOLOLTROLOTROLOTROLOTROLOTREOLOTROLOLOHALOHAOLHOALHOALHOALHOALHOALHOALAGOfadlpdsofskdf;/jkflkdsjfkldjfddadkfhdslkjrm


Vomit,
CJ

Free Dog-House-Proof Valentine's Day Cards

Worried about spending mountains of gift money on chocolates and specially engraved paperweights and Applebee's gift cards this Valentine's Day? Well, I've just done you a favor, friend. Below you will find five ABSOLUTELY FREE Valentine's Day cards to give to your loved ones. 
If you are a better designer than me (I'm looking at you, everyone), please feel free to redesign these, send them back, Paypal me $5.35 and I will re-post, taking a mere 83% credit of the work.

For the hopeless romantics...

 For those into whips, fedoras, and professors of archaeology...

For those who love holiday origins...

For the budget conscious...

For you star-crossed muggles...
Happy Valentine's Day, everyone, and to all a good night!

<3, CJ

10 Steps to Work in Account Service

Step 1: Disappoint your parents by going into marketing instead of law or accounting.
Step 2: Piss off your friends by working at a cool agency while they work in law or accounting.
Step 3: Annoy your creative team by moving projects too quickly.
Step 4: Anger your clients by moving projects too slowly. 
Step 5: Frustrate yourself by not going to art school.
Step 6: Watch some cat videos.
Step 7: Drink heavily to avoid thinking about all of the people who hate you.
Step 8: More cat videos.
Step 9: Realize agency work is actually better than "normal" work.
Step 10: Repeat daily.


- CJ

That's How I Roll: Beginning My Skee-ball Journey

What makes an athlete?

Some would answer, "Everything opposite of you, Chris." To them I say, "Sticks and stones, mom."

Taken from the Merriam-Webster Dictionary 
Definition of ATHLETE:
a person who is trained or skilled in exercises, sports or games requiring physical strength, agility or stamina
Example of ATHLETE:
Chris is going to showcase his mediocre skee-ball skills every Monday night proving to the world that he is an athlete.


I want to take this moment to expand on this and announce that every Monday this Spring...man, this is very tough....I'm going to take my talents to Brooklyn and join Team Skee-Haw for this Skeeson of Skee-ball.

The team:
R2-Skee2 (yours truly)
Skee-3PO
Skeena: Roller Princess
Angelina Roll-ee
Skee-Lo Green

Some of the names left on the cutting room floor:
Tim Skeebow, R. Kellskee, Tommy Skee Jones, Mo Valentine, Nanny McSkee, The Roll-aholic, Skee-Pain, Jay-Skee

Each team gets three rollers each night they roll. Each roller gets 10 fr…

Sucker Free Super Bowl Sunday

Sunday marked my first Super Bowl in New York. And the Giants were in it. And I'm a Cowboys fan. Dilemma: Do I root against the Giants, hoping for an entire city that I'm living in to be let down? Uh. Yes. Go Cowboys.

So I decided who I'm rooting for: New England and Tom Brady's hairdresser. Time to go watch the game...

Gametime
What is here: a 17 inch tube TV, beeritas, queso, and more food
Who is here: 6 girls, one of their brothers, a few gay dudes, and a British guy

I am primed for an American Football watching experience.


First Half
I finish a beerita. I also finish 18 Oreo cake balls and give myself a queso transfusion. Gronk's ankle condition is nothing compared to how physically uncomfortable I am at this point.

Halftime
Enter Madonna. LMFAO joins. I'm told, "Oh, Madonna is doing the LMFAO dance." I ask if they have an actual dance. "Oh yeah, that's how they party rock." I immediately get up to leave, but realize I have a plate full…

Afro Picks & Me: My ?uest To Become BFFs With a Legend:

Airports are a breeding ground for germs. What some fail to see is that airports are also a breeding ground...for friendships. They are very literally the gateways to the entire world. Airports enable us to connect face to face with each other halfway across the world in a matter of hours.  I have to reassure myself this every time I wipe a single tear away with a Chili's Too napkin.

Recently, I was waiting for a plane to take me from Dallas Fort Worth back to New York, when...no...couldn't be. I could have sworn I saw the one and only Questlove sitting AT MY GATE. "There's just no way," I told myself. There's no way the iconic drummer from The Roots is on my flight. So I shrugged it off.

Getting closer to my flight, I happened upon a friend who was on the same flight.
Me: Hi, friend.
Friend: Hi, Chris.
Me (attempting to make small talk while shrugging one shoulder and thumbing to the line of people): I wonder what celebrities will be on this flight, hehe.

It…

Overnight Sensation

This blog has become an overnight sensation. I'm not one to celebrate too early, but the proof is in the pudding (3 comments!!!). I need to strike while the iron is hot and get to my second post.

So here it is - my second post:
In my first post, I explained how I arrived at the title of my blog. It only makes sense that in my second, I discuss how I will populate the blog itself.

As you may have heard, this blog is an overnight sensation (Source: first paragraph). With this level of fame, comes a level of responsibility (Source: kind of Spider-Man 1).  I know that to grow my number of readers, I need to be entertaining.


This poses a potential problem. In my real life, I enjoy the finer things like a queen size bed and a PlayStation 3. My idea of a good time is a good book (preferably in the same genre as Animorphs), a cup of tea, and a shawl cardigan (Source: my friends) [source has been redacted as it does not exist].


This would be a problem...if this blog was real life. Lucky for me,…

Genealogy of a Blog Title

"Chris, you should start a blog." - My mom
"Chris, you should start a blog, but come back to bed first." - Your mom
If there's one thing in this world that I cherish, it's money. If there's another, it's honesty. If there's another, it's digital watches. If there's another, it's tacos. If there's another, it's stalling until you can think of what to say or write next. But back to honesty. I've been urged for months to start a blog and I've been assured those urging me will read. If I create something and put it into this world, I owe it to myself (and to you) to create something that will resonate with my audience - and that starts with the title. So what took me so long to start a blog? Naming it. I've included notes from my brainstorming session below:
What's Love Got To Jardieu With It? People will expect me to reveal my ladykilling secrets, specifically my dance moves Jardieu The Right Thing People will expect me …