Free Dog-House-Proof Valentine's Day Cards

Worried about spending mountains of gift money on chocolates and specially engraved paperweights and Applebee's gift cards this Valentine's Day? Well, I've just done you a favor, friend. Below you will find five ABSOLUTELY FREE Valentine's Day cards to give to your loved ones. 

If you are a better designer than me (I'm looking at you, everyone), please feel free to redesign these, send them back, Paypal me $5.35 and I will re-post, taking a mere 83% credit of the work.

For the hopeless romantics...

 For those into whips, fedoras, and professors of archaeology...

For those who love holiday origins...

For the budget conscious...

For you star-crossed muggles...
Credit to Twitter's own @atxharlow for the HP spell collaboration.

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone, and to all a good night!



  1. Dear Chris, what is your favorite Valentine's gift that you have ever received? Do you think it is necessary for a woman to give a man a valentine's gift? (Not looking for dirty humor, just your opinion)

  2. Rach, you probably don't have to give a Valentine gift, but you certainly should be prepared never to get a second one.

  3. Rachel,
    Bowling balls are usually good gifts for dudes, right?
    I don't think it's necessary at all, but something small would be nice - ESPECIALLY if he gets you something. Cheap tickets to a Mavs game? Rangers game?
    Follow your heart. But also think about the Mavs tickets.

    1. this is excellent advice. mavs tickets = a gift that makes me look like an awesome wife, but really it's for me anyway. and also i dont have to go to the store to get them. thank you for your insight.

  4. Oh. My. Gosh.

    Can I order a whole stack of these?


  5. This is the worst blog ever, and the author will not stop spamming me to visit it. I would rather club a baby seal with a kitten than read another word of this mindless drivel.


  6. I agree with the anonymous poster above. This is seriously the worst thing I've ever seen. No amount of bleach applied to my eyeballs will allow me to unsee the horror within.

  7. Wow, aren't you guys being a little harsh?? It's not that bad, considering a stroke victim wrote it...

  8. STFU noob. If you think this isn't that bad, I bet you voted for Obama too.

  9. Wow, figures a right-wing nut like yourself would bring politics into this when it's not even relevant. Go back to watching Fox News you tool.

  10. You're right... I've just been a little high-strung with all the election stuff going on. Regardless, I'm sorry and I think we all just need to bring things back into perspective; this blog is garbage, the author is garbage, and I hope the end of the world comes quicker than expected so that no more people are subjected to this.

  11. Emma Watson....same eyebrows as the blogger. Also, I jog to this Blog.

  12. Dear Anonymous/Pablo,
    I'm sorry about all of your inner political turmoil. I respect your right to free speech. I also respect your mind almost as much as your body. Come visit me.
    Lots of love,


Post a Comment