Furry Fandom: Mavs Man
Poor Mavs Man. I mean literally "poor" Mavs Man. For all of the good Mark Cuban does for the Mavericks, I don't think he pays Mavs Man enough money. And this needs to be heard. By the people. For the children.
Logical reasons I think poor Mavs Man is poor:
1) He can't afford a dermatologist. The guy obviously has some skin issues. It's like he Willy Wonka'd a basketball-meal test gum that he ate even though he wasn't supposed to, so he grew a little and his skin changed colors and textures. (Editor's note - Although the science completely checks out, this isn't what happened. Everyone knows only 5 golden tickets were awarded and our man didn't get one.) They say beauty is on the inside, but we can all agree that Mavs Man isn't a MMILF.
2) In order to pay rent, Mavs Man has to resort to selling his undesirable body:
|"It's 50 bucks for a ' dunk show',|
100 bucks for the 'trampoline act',
and 200 bucks for the 'Spalding Special', OK?"
3) Mavs Man can't pay anyone to improve his Geocities website. Someone get him Dreamweaver. Or even Mario Paint.
4) He seems pretty open to a new type of currency to get what he needs: violence.
|"I'll be back...to take your money|
if I need money bad enough as
violence is my last resort,
but I will do it if I have to
because I don't make a lot."
All of this could be moot if another of my theories is right - that a Mavs player doubles as Mavs Man. His build, leaping ability, and head shape are eerily similar to several current Mavs players. Or Khloe could be pulling a fast one...
But if my theory is correct, then Mavs Man needs some extra cash. Maybe his buddy Champ will lend him some green. Who's Champ? Champ is a horse - a maverick's horse, if you will. He's the other Mavs mascot. He'll eventually get his own Furry Fandom entry. Don't worry.
If Champ can't come through, Mavs Man may need to get some more side jobs. So if you cross his path someday, just be sure to show your appreciation for his abilities on the court. I'm sure he'd look up, give you a genuine smile, a nice thank you, and get back to stocking the Ramen at Walmart.