Splitting Hairs

I got a haircut the other day.
I got a terrible haircut the other day.
My head looks like I'm housing a large ferret.
So I went to Supercuts the other day.

At first, I hated my haircut. After a few days, I got used to it. I realize that no one ever likes their haircut right after you get it. But now as a jaded adult, I realize that no one ever likes when someone else gets a haircut either. Deep down you either hate their haircut or you hate the fact that they can pull the style off and you can't or don't have the stones to try. See: girls & pixie cuts. If I hear one more girl say that she LOOOVVVVESESESESESESESESE someone else's hair, but could just not pull it off, I'm going to Michelle Williams her hair myself.

I agree that some looks don't work with some people. Take my "long hair is for tall men" theory. Girls love a guy with long hair. Oh? You don't think so? Really?

"Hey ladyz..."

I'm about 5'7" (if you're being nice). Being short, if I were to have long hair, it actually makes me look shorter. Oh? You don't think so? Really?

"Hey ladyz..." x 4
But this theory really just pertains to huge changes. Most girls get upset if you don't notice that they cut off 3 inches of their hair. Oh...so NOW 3 inches is a lot?

Yes - If you really want to impress a girl, notice her haircut. OR ask every girl you know every few weeks if she did something different to her hair. If she didn't, this still subtly insinuates that you like what she's doing with her hair that day. And if she really DID do something to her hair, then look who just climbed out of the friend zone. You're welcome.

"How did I not fictionally come up with that?"

Everyone loves when someone notices something different about them. Just the other day, I had this encounter with a coworker I hadn't seen in awhile:
Female coworker: You look skinny. Have you lost weight?
Me: I don't know. I shaved my beard.
Female coworker: Yeah. Nevermind. That's it.
My apparently-still-fat cheeks were blushing.

I agree that a bad haircut can ruin your day. But take comfort in the fact that at the end of the day, it's probably grown out enough to where no one will notice.

With shear sincerity,

When I lived in Dallas, I had a very affordable hair wizard who magically made me look presentable to the world. I recommend her in high regard. Check her site out here.


  1. I was just talking about a short guy with long hair last night. This is a HOT topic right now. Here's my theory about that whole situation. If a guy has hair that is too long and shaggy or big, and he's short, sometimes it can make one appear fatter, head seem bigger, or simply look shorter. It's a dangerous game to play.

  2. As Chris' girlfriend I can attest that I miss his hair wizard as well now that he lives in NYC

  3. As a bald man, I find this post repulsive AND offensive.

    I demand a make up post professing your love for gangly bald men.



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