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Showing posts from August, 2012

Furry Fandom: Otto the Orange

Otto the Orange
Syracuse Orangemen
This one hits close to home. Kind of. I grew up a Syracuse fan. The fandom was passed on to me by my parents. I was a fan through the McNabb era and a fan when Gerry and Melo finally helped Boeheim win in 2003.

But I didn't attend Syracuse. So while I still pull for them, it's hard for me to associate myself with their teams. One thing stayed constant though: my brain being insanity pretzeled by Otto the Orange.

That giant ball of orange confused me as a kid and confuses me even more now. Look at him. His nose is the most bulbous thing I've seen until I take into account his body as a whole. SOMEONE GET HIM P90X. Poor Otto has probably never been able to refer to his frame as a 'beach body'.

Otto is also fighting an uphill battle with his ear shoulders. When he's trying to pump up the crowd, miming "Let me hear you!", where does he cup his hand? And then how does he hear you?

The most confusing thing to me is that wh…

I Do (Love To Party)

"I am just a boy, standing in front of a computer, asking you to read this."

This past weekend, I had the pleasure of attending the wedding of two of my good friends. It was one of the most fun weddings I've ever attended. And I've been to a lot of weddings. Put me next to Katherine Heigl and I look like an old maid.


What makes a wedding fun for a guy? Obviously the day is about the bride. It's a day her whole life has been leading up to and the spotlight is hers for that weekend. But her happiness is still correlated to how much fun everyone else is having with her on her special day.

I need to preface this post with two things:
1) I have yet to be at a wedding where I didn't have fun (even if nothing in this post happened). So I am not in any way saying that one of my friends' weddings was better than another.
2) This is not a pre-plan of my own wedding, Mom.

I'm a man. No matter what my cardigan collection and Bravo TV knowledge may lead you to bel…

Texas Trip - Part 3: All My Friends

We here at This Is How We Jardieu It joke around a lot. Considering it’s just me writing when I have downtime, it’s a pretty fun place to work. Lighthearted posts and pop culture references dominate this blog, producing gimmicky content. I’m not apologizing. I'm just saying that for this specific post, I will shoot you straight. Real talk, as the kids say.

All in all, I miss you, Texas. You were good to me for my first 24 years with you and you continue to be good to me when I come back to visit – now older, wiser, and with a better collection of cardigans.
My family is there. My friends are there. My college is there. My favorite beer is there. The hospitality is unparalleled.

Despite growing up in Texas, I never considered myself a real Texan. My parents are from upstate New York. We never owned a truck or listened to country music or wore cowboy boots.
After two and a half decades in the state, it took leaving it for me to really appreciate it. Don’t get me wrong. I love New …

Texas Trip - Part 2: Bringing Sweaty Back

We all have them. We all tolerate them. We all just turn a blind eye. I’m talking about our Facebook friends who post pictures of their car’s temperature in the summer. We get it. It’s hot.
Not being one to follow trends (Crocs being the exception), I decided to do something different. I live tweeted my back sweat.  Gross?
I say nay. I say that the human body is beautiful and I am God’s creation and I want to share who I am and how glistening my body can be. The Dove® Campaign for Real Beauty
Davy Crockett said it best when he declared, "You may all go to hell and I will go to Texas.. jk it's super hot there too."

I guess some of you don’t have Twitter, otherwise I would have gotten like 80 RTs because these are honest and true and please pay attention to me.
We start here:











Texas Trip sans sweat to be continued tomorrow… Read Part 1 here.
Full hearts,
CJ

Texas Trip - Part 1: Friends with Kids

It’s been 7 months since I last set foot on Texas soil - that sweet sweet boiling lava ‘soil’.
Last week, I had a wedding and a work meeting in the Dallas area. Everything is bigger in Texas, including trips there. I decided to stay for 10 days.
Kicking off the trip, I had the aforementioned wedding. It was at 6pm. In the summer. In Texas. Some wrestlers and fighters sleep in trash bags or hit the sauna so they can make weight. If you want to lose water weight, just wear a full suit and a tie to a Texas summer wedding. And be my dancing partner.
The morning after the wedding, my friends and I decided to go down to the river. If you’re interested in that sub-trip, you can read about it here.
Throughout the week, I worked during the day, surprisingly productively. At night, I was able to see family and friends. Seeing family is great, but I’ll spare you the details of my mom asking me, “New York is expensive, isn’t it?” – her ‘subtle’ way of asking me to move back home.
During one of …

LOL PPL: Kittenpants

Two truths and a lie:
I have friends.I have funny friends.I have people that I know who are funny. jk it's two lies and a truth! So there's a person I know who I talk to sometimes and who also talks to me occasionally who is very funny. Her name is Darci, and she is aka'd as Kittenpants.


Over on her website, Kittenpants Lives, she wrote some cliches. Like this one -
Birds of a feather flock together because birds are racist pieces of shit.Then she dropped this two-for-one-special - Don’t cry over spilled milk unless it’s spilled onto the divorce papers I’m sending you. I’m having an affair.Also, don’t cry over spilled milk because there’s no crying in Spilled Milkball. She also showed her love of history -
A good rule of thumb was the benevolent King Thumbulus, IV. And origins of cliches:
“It ain’t over til the fat lady, Sting.” -Sting’s pimp Lots of laffs. Go hereto find yourself...also for her full "Cliche It Ain't So" post with lots more of these.

Part 2, aka &…

American Pride, Olympics Edition

The Olympics are known to inspire - whether it's Oscar Pistorius, the double amputee competing in the 400m track semifinal or Andy Murray finally winning something and in front of his home crowd no less or just Tom Daley's abs....

While these people should inspire me to go out and achieve, to strive to be the best at what I do, all the Olympics really inspire me to do is watch more of the Olympics. The Olympics serve as a 4 year alarm clock reminder that I love swimming and archery and gymnastics and other sports that I have no clue how to score or evaluate the athletes.

Not only am I inspired to continue watching, but I'm inspired to love this country more - this country being the United States of America. I'm glued to the TV rooting for our athletes with no idea as to what I'm rooting for them to do.

Events that are judged (and seemingly objective) fire me up the moist most. Take gymnastics for instance, a sport I know nothing about except that rings are hard. An…

Rolling Down the River

There are two distinctly different reactions I get when I tell people I’m going on a river trip.

My northern friends: “You’re going to the Delaware River to kayak? How healthy and full of life!" My southern friends: “You’re going to the Guadalupe River to float in an inner tube and drink copious amounts of beer while freely peeing at any given time? Me too!"
This past weekend, I floated the Guadalupe River with some friends for the first time in about 3 years. For those who have never floated, I've outlined my favorite things about floating the river in the Dirty South. For those who have floated, I've outlined the reasons I miss you.

#1 - Pee-Free-For-All
The best thing about the river is that it’s a free-for-all when it comes to bodily fluids. You may think that’s gross, but hear me out. I have a small bladder (hey ladyzzzzz). Once I “break the seal”, I can’t stop won’t stop, especially while making eye contact with my fellow floaters. There’s nothing better than dr…

Cutting the Cord

"Hey, my friend did that. She keeps it in her fridge and puts it in oatmeal and stuff to eat. For her health."
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NONONONONONONNONO
That's not what I'm talking about. Cord-cutting is the unfortunately named act of unsubscribing to cable.

I've always had cable. Growing up, I wasn't allowed to watch half the stuff on it, but we still had it. We had basic cable which included ESPN and Nickelodeon, but not HBO.  So 12 year old Chris couldn't get his Oz fix :(

Then I moved to college and still had basic cable. Then I got a real person job and still had basic cable.

Then I moved to New York and my monthly bank statement was just an 8.5 x 11 piece of paper with a large "lolwut" stamped on it. So I made a huge life decision. I cut my cable cord.

I wasn't sure how my life would change. Maybe I'd work out more? Maybe I'd be more social? Maybe I'd read more? hahahahahahah


The downfalls:
Less sportsCan't DVRWhich means…

Furry Fandom: Helping Hand

Sports mascots are great. They really are. But I'd be remiss if I didn't acknowledge company mascots with my Furry Fandom posts. They're just as lovable, and usually just as welcoming into the sweet sweet arms of insanity.

Speaking of arms, let's talk about Hamburger Helper Helping Hand.

Helping Hand
Hamburger Helper®


Here's how I imagine the concept of Helping Hand came about:
Hamburger Helper CEO: What does America love?
Hamburger Helper CMO: Hamburgers!
HH CEO: What else?
HH CMO: Thing from The Addams Family!
HH CEO: You're promoted!


The Addams Family's Thing lost a finger, started wearing an oven mitt, and gained a face.

But evolution is dumb because his face is right where the hot part of a pan touches. However, he retains the soft fair skin similar to my own. Somehow he's surviving continual face burns. So maybe evolution isn't dumb. Or maybe it's makeup. Because I half expect him to come off a hot pan looking like a Hannibal Lecter victim.

Orrr…