Furry Fandom: Helping Hand

Sports mascots are great. They really are. But I'd be remiss if I didn't acknowledge company mascots with my Furry Fandom posts. They're just as lovable, and usually just as welcoming into the sweet sweet arms of insanity.

Speaking of arms, let's talk about Hamburger Helper Helping Hand.

Helping Hand
Hamburger Helper®

Here's how I imagine the concept of Helping Hand came about:
Hamburger Helper CEO: What does America love?
Hamburger Helper CMO: Hamburgers!
HH CEO: What else?
HH CMO: Thing from The Addams Family!
HH CEO: You're promoted!

"Let me help you with that meat."

The Addams Family's Thing lost a finger, started wearing an oven mitt, and gained a face.

But evolution is dumb because his face is right where the hot part of a pan touches. However, he retains the soft fair skin similar to my own. Somehow he's surviving continual face burns. So maybe evolution isn't dumb. Or maybe it's makeup. Because I half expect him to come off a hot pan looking like a Hannibal Lecter victim.

Orrrrrrr maybe he's not helping at all. Do we ever see him DO anything? For research, I consulted this Hamburger Helper commercial:

He isn't the one who gives Mom her pan of food. He isn't even the one who hands her the Hamburger Helper. He just sits in the back of the car until they get to the drive-thru. If I was Mom, I would be furious: "YOUR HELP WOULD HAVE BEEN APPRECIATED BEFORE WE LEFT THE HOUSE DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH GAS COSTS AND HOW DID YOU GET INTO THE BACK OF MY CAR?"

In conclusion, Helping Hand evolved from Thing, doesn't actually help, and is a hand.

I'm hungry,


  1. One small correction: it's named the "Helping Hand" not "Helper Hand".

  2. Someone didn't do their research. What kind of journalism is this???

    Thanks for the correction! And the embarrassment!


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