I Do (Love To Party)

"I am just a boy, standing in front of a computer, asking you to read this."

This past weekend, I had the pleasure of attending the wedding of two of my good friends. It was one of the most fun weddings I've ever attended. And I've been to a lot of weddings. Put me next to Katherine Heigl and I look like an old maid.

"Chris, you have 28 dresses???"

What makes a wedding fun for a guy? Obviously the day is about the bride. It's a day her whole life has been leading up to and the spotlight is hers for that weekend. But her happiness is still correlated to how much fun everyone else is having with her on her special day.

I need to preface this post with two things:
1) I have yet to be at a wedding where I didn't have fun (even if nothing in this post happened). So I am not in any way saying that one of my friends' weddings was better than another.
2) This is not a pre-plan of my own wedding, Mom.

I'm a man. No matter what my cardigan collection and Bravo TV knowledge may lead you to believe, I am a man.

"Ugh, WHERE in this closet is that Gap cardi I got on sale?

Since I've proven that I am, in fact, a man, here are things that will help a man have fun at a wedding:

Balance the quantity of distant relatives with your own friends
You're trying to throw a party. So throw a party you'd want to party at - with all of your friends. I've been to weddings where the 'friend' list was limited as there were countless invites to distant relatives.

Conversation at a wedding with distant relatives of the bride and groom
"Hey, have you met my uncle's friend's cousin's friend who once dog-sat for the bride?"
"No. I need a drink."

Conversation at a wedding with a lot of friends of the bride and groom
"Hey, have you met my friend's friend?"
"I think."
"Daddy like. Now I need two drinks."

Speaking of drinks...

Open Bar

This doesn't need to be a full bar. But there should be free drinks/dranks. Want to have more than beer and wine, but not a full bar? The last wedding I attended had a great solution: beer, wine, and two drink specials: one for the bride and one for the groom. So you could order a "Bride" or a "Groom" for their favorite mixed drink.

If you want your friends to dance, you need to give them liquid courage. Also, if you want your friends to uncomfortably hit on your other friends for great blackmail later, give them liquid courage...and dance music.

"Thank God Tony had the liquid courage to hit on me AND wear that suit."
Speaking of music...

Wedding Dance Music
Putting together the perfect wedding mix is no easy feat. Every girl wants one thing at a wedding - if there is a ladder of 'hot', every girl wants to be on the rung right below the bride, but above everyone else. But if they want another thing, it's to dance.

I've made a chart for quick reference on the breakdown of the perfect mix:

The mix should have a lot of mainstream hits, preferably from the decade in which the bride and groom were ages 12-22.
Bye Bye Bye - N'Sync: for nostalgic party dancing
All My Life - K-Ci and JoJo: for nostalgic slow dancing

The mix should also have at least one current song that everyone secretly likes and knows the words to after 6 drinks.
See: Party in the USA - Miley Cyrus

The mix should also include a dance that's easy for white people to dance to, giving them a false sense of dance confidence for later. This song would preferably be a group dance.
See: Cupid Shuffle - Cupid

For those who know me personally, you may think me a music snob. You're probably wondering why I didn't put any of my typical music on there. Well, no one wants to get down to Holocene. Except these girls.

However, I will say that my favorite song a friend has walked down the aisle to was Two Doves by the Dirty Projectors. Beautiful, soothing, and I didn't feel out of place with my moustache and pork pie hat.

There is so much more that goes into a wedding, but these three things will help even the wallflower-est of wallflower dudes to have a good time, which will lead to their dates having a good time, which will lead to an overall better mood for the reception, which will lead to an overall better time in general for the bride.

See, I am thoughtful.



  1. What are your thoughts on garter and bouquet tosses?

  2. I've always preferred funerals to weddings. Except for the part about the dead people. But other than that...much preferable.

  3. I recently had a conversation about how I will walk down the aisle to the Game of Thrones theme.

    Marry me?

  4. Neeley - Necessary tradition.
    Anonymous - YOU TAKE THAT BACK
    J. Otter - You are so wise.
    Tessa T - Yes.

  5. I expect this, nay, DEMAND this at your nuptials:

    Fun fact:
    Wifey and I closed it down at our reception with this gem:

    A little awkward. All amazing.

    Great post.


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