Tenacious D - Rize of the Phenix

They. Are. Back.

After Kyle's fake fall from grace and "Hollywood" Jack's rise to stardom, the D has decided to reunite. They've posted a mini-movie on their website that shows what's happened since The Pick of Destiny.

The video also furthers my completely straight, pants tightening appreciation for Dave Grohl.

Who's in for their June 28th show at Hammerstein Ballroom in NY?

Rize of the Phenix in full can be streamed below:

Humorous Celebrities Have Humorous Senses of Humors

The Hangry Games

I did it. Everyone I know can finally shut up about it. I finished The Hunger Games.

"Oh they're Young Adult, but they're not that Young Adult. Because of the violence. And the political undertones. They're really political with such great real-life politics underlying the story, and they can totally be applied to Obama's America. Did I mention they're violent?"
- All of my (former) friends

I fancy myself a reader. I read a lot. I'm very open to what I read. I read everything I can - everything from Palahniuk to Cormac to cereal boxes to Rowling to Highlights to Grantland. And now I've read Collins.

Here's what I got out of each book:

The Hunger Games - Book 1

"When I grow up, I'm going to try out for the Olym.....oh :( "

Peeta: I love you.
Katniss: Wait. Are you for reals?
Peeta: Yes.
Katniss: Hmm. I can't tell if you're serious or just saying that. But what about Gale?
Peeta: I love you.
Katniss: Still not sure if you love me or not. Let's kiss some more. But only for the Capitol. But also for me. But what about Gale?
Peeta: Forget about Gale. They don't call it the HUNGer Games for nothing.



Catching Fire - Book 2
I think I reread Book 1 on accident?

"LOL having Deja Vu."

Mockingjay - Book 3

"Oh sure, Peeta. The ollllld tracker jacker excuse."

Politics! Corruption? More Gale! Less Peeta :( Wait, more Peeta! Rebels! Undergrounds! Bad parenting by Mr. Everdeen for teaching young Katniss a song about a death tree! A Harry Potter-esque epilogue! Closure?

Each book was entertaining in its own way. I don't regret reading them. I just think everyone should pump the brakes on so much of the praise. Beyond the laziness of naming things in the Panem world (see 'tracker jackers' and 'Peeta', son of a baker), the pacing was almost hilarious. Book 2 had a literal deus ex machina in the final pages. I felt cheated, like I deserved better for diving into this series. But I need to remember that it sits in the same section at Barnes and Noble as Twilight and Judy Blume.

I didn't love them. I didn't hate them. BUT I'M MOVING ON WITH MY LIFE.

That said, I can't wait for the movie. Or Woody Harrelson's hair.

"Party."

May the odds be forever in your favor,
CJ


Note: The term "hangry" was passed on to me by my friend Darci. It's the feeling you get when you're so hungry that you get angry. It happens to us daily. This is our District 12.

Brief Hiatus

Friends, Romans, countrymen,

I am going on a brief hiatus from blogging this week. Yes, I know I just started a few weeks ago. You think I'm like the guy who starts a new job and a month later is taking a trip to see his "sick aunt in Florida." Unless that guy really has a sick aunt in Florida. Then I'm not like him because I'm "taking a vacation". Except it's really a vacation unlike the guy with the fake real sick aunt not in Florida.

Today, I'm heading to Ireland to partake in the increasingly inebriated activities of sight seeing, drink sighting, beer drinking, and see beering.

Yes, I will be sure to buy you something. All of you. I hope you all like thin individual slices of potatoes.

brb,
CJ

Listen to this: I was on a podcast

I've finally fulfilled a lifelong dream. Ever since I was a young boy growing up in the late 80s and early 90s, I've wanted to guest on a podcast.

In January, the ladies of Me Three podcast had a scheduling malfunction so Darci (@realkittenpants) called me up on a Friday night since she knew I'd be available. We talked about scary lifelike dolls, my future blog which didn't exist at the time, a new game called Horse Mouth, and a (short) list of what I'm good at.

Me Three podcast homepage here.

They're all great, but my special Me Two episode can be downloaded here.

It's short. I swear. It's entertaining. I swear harder.

The other half of the Me Three crew was not on this sextrasode, but you need to follow the very funny Lisa Beth Johnson (@ladybirdj).

Podcastin',

CJ

Furry Fandom: Mavs Man

Mavs Man

Dallas Mavericks

Growing up a Dallas Mavericks fan, I've been with them through thick and thin. I've seen the ups. I've seen the downs. And there's been a lot of both. Someone else has also been right along the Mavs side through all of this: Mavs Man.

Mavs Man's background is a little unclear. There's not a lot available about his origin except that he showed up about 7 years ago to inspire Mavs fans with his high flying dunks, his acrobatic performances, and his apparently incurable skin condition.

Poor Mavs Man. I mean literally "poor" Mavs Man. For all of the good Mark Cuban does for the Mavericks, I don't think he pays Mavs Man enough money. And this needs to be heard. By the people. For the children.


Logical reasons I think poor Mavs Man is poor:

1) He can't afford a dermatologist. The guy obviously has some skin issues. It's like he Willy Wonka'd a basketball-meal test gum that he ate even though he wasn't supposed to, so he grew a little and his skin changed colors and textures. (Editor's note - Although the science completely checks out, this isn't what happened. Everyone knows only 5 golden tickets were awarded and our man didn't get one.) They say beauty is on the inside, but we can all agree that Mavs Man isn't a MMILF.

2) In order to pay rent, Mavs Man has to resort to selling his undesirable body:

"It's 50 bucks for a ' dunk show',
100 bucks for the 'trampoline act',
and 200 bucks for the 'Spalding Special', OK?"

3) Mavs Man can't pay anyone to improve his Geocities website. Someone get him Dreamweaver. Or even Mario Paint.

4)  He seems pretty open to a new type of currency to get what he needs: violence.

"I'll be back...to take your money
if I need money bad enough as
violence is my last resort,
but I will do it if I have to
because I don't make a lot."

All of this could be moot if another of my theories is right - that a Mavs player doubles as Mavs Man. His build, leaping ability, and head shape are eerily similar to several current Mavs players. Or Khloe could be pulling a fast one...

But if my theory is correct, then Mavs Man needs some extra cash. Maybe his buddy Champ will lend him some green. Who's Champ? Champ is a horse -  a maverick's horse, if you will. He's the other Mavs mascot. He'll eventually get his own Furry Fandom entry. Don't worry.

If Champ can't come through, Mavs Man may need to get some more side jobs. So if you cross his path someday, just be sure to show your appreciation for his abilities on the court. I'm sure he'd look up, give you a genuine smile, a nice thank you, and get back to stocking the Ramen at Walmart.

MFFL,
CJ

GTL: Guido Toddler Looming

You guys, the NY Post is reporting that Snooki is pregnant.

Let that sink in. Then follow me as I process the news...

Who's the father? The Situation? Vinnie? Jionni? Deena? This tree? Don't worry. It's being reported that Jionni is the father. I guess the Situation and Vinnie are off the hook. I still suspect the tree.

Ok. We know who the father is. Time to speculate what kind of baby she will actually produce. After fairly extensive award-winning journalistic research, I've come to 5 possibilities of what we could see:

An Oompa Loompa
Not the first to say it, but the most obvious as far as her orange, 3 foot appearance.

A gollum
Smeagol makes inexplicable noises. Snooki makes inexplicable noises.

This pickle
The girl eats enough of them. And you are what you eat. So don't rule out a pickle baby.

Jabba the Hutt
He eats and drinks a lot. She eats and drinks a lot.  He utilizes his Sarlacc Pit to prey on victims. She's been known to do the same. It makes perfect sense that she could pop a Jabba out.

Bowser
He's a scaly, horny turtle that loves to annoy Italians.  Seems like a genetic match.














Post-baby, where will she go? As Snooki dives into motherhood, we are all worried about her career in TV. Or is it just me? Ok. Fine. I'm worried about this being a slap in the face to her TV career.. Whatever. No more Jersey Shore. No more JWoww spin-off. A friend of mine mentioned that Snooks could become the psychiatrist on Teen Mom - yes, I not only have friends, but this is what we talk about.

I don't know what's going to happen. No one does.

I just hope that when someone wants to talk to you about this Snooki situation, you now know enough to have an educated discussion. The only thing you'll be pregnant with...is knowledge.

Mahhhh,
CJ