How to Survive the Cold Front

Weather update: New York is cold.

My walk to work yesterday met me with a wind chill of 1 below. I was bundled up so heavily, I could barely move my arms.

Really sartorial Don Draper of me.

"This never happened. It will shock you how much it never happened."

Okay. I realize Chicago has a windchill of about 25 below. IT IS NOT A COMPETITION BOTH ARE SUPER COLD I AM FROM TEXAS AND NOT USED TO THIS SHUT UP.

What can you do to stay warm? Here are some tips I've found useful:
  • Microwave your undershirt for 20 seconds before putting it on.
  • In the corner of your apartment, light a newspaper fire fueled by Vick's VapoRub.
  • Drink hot soup. Not eat. Drink. Like a lot. 
  • Fill your Neti Pot with Taco Bell hot sauce. Read the funny packaging. Then nasal rinse.
  • Reenact the plot from the film Batman & Robin. You're Batman. You're trying to stop Mr. Freeze. But not before he can spout some of these classics. Let the warmth of physical activity embrace you.
  • Pajama jeans.
  • Get your puffy down jacket. Take all of the down feathers out. Stuff the feathers into your socks. Heat escapes through your feet so make sure you have your priorities straight.

Stay warm out there. Try the above mentioned tips. Or just wear wooly layers.

'tis the season of soup and tea,


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