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Showing posts from May, 2013

CJ's Important Summer Tips

Summer is here. It's hot. Lucky for you, I've compiled a list of helpful tips to make sure you get the most out of summer.

Put your undershirt in the freezer for 5 minutes before you leave the house. (Yes, very similar to one of my winter tips, but still effective)You can never have too much Gold Bond.

"Seersucker" is NOT a sex move.Never overlook the "L" in "Hey Chris, dive into our PUBLIC POOL"Do some 'shups before wearing a tank top so you really make that barbwire pop.A bandana on your head is a great way to let everyone know you live in a basement.

Instead of using water, fill your Super Soaker with cold Go-Gurt.Movie theaters are a great place to cool off. Unless you're watching a Ryan Gosling movie, am I right ladyz?The best use of a Camelbak: Slurpees.Download this song. Put it on your phone. Play it at parties. Fight off women.


Float a river. Hard. When a restaurant hostess asks if you'd be OK to sit outside, maniacally laugh unco…

Dr. Wordsmith, MD

Unless you follow my LinkedIn as closely as I envision that all of you do, this will be news to you.

This spring....man...this is very tough...



...in this spring, I have decided to take my talents to the Creative Team and become a Writer.

You heard it here. And potentially on LinkedIn (thx 4 tha connexion!). I recently decided to leave the world of Account Service and pursue a career as a Copywriter.

Coming out of college, I had no desire to be a writer. To be fair, I had no desire to do anything other than play Dr. Mario, watch Lost, study duh hey mom.


So how did this happen? Let's rewind my life (and my crow's feet amirite) two years.
Two years ago
I was tasked to manage a weekly e-mail at work that no one wanted to read. What started as an attempt to trick people into reading, evolved into all-out nonsense. Content ranged from discussing this Brian Scalbrine clip to rewriting Wolverine comic panels. People probably still didn't read the e-mail, but I had found somewhat o…

Furry Fandom: Belle 'The Ballpark Diva'

When it comes to mascots, the Buffalo Bisons have an embarrassment of riches. They have three official furry fan favorites. THREE.

The first is Buster T. Bison, the team's namesake. He is a big bison.



The second is his cousin, Chip. He's another big bison, albeit a sadder one. Makes sense.



The third mascot turns my brain inside out and whispers sweet nothings of dementia into my ears.

Belle "The Ballpark Diva"
Buffalo Bisons
(I thought the plural of "Bison" was "Beeson"?)


From her bio:
Belle, "The Ballpark Diva" is the singing-sensation from Hollywood that has returned to Dunn Tire Park to perform all her smash hits for the fans of the Buffalo Bisons. Known for her fashion sense and sweet dance moves, Belle is 100% girl.
Let's break this down.

She is a cow. OK.Named Belle. I'm with you.She's a singing-sensation from Hollywood. My sanity is wobbling.She left her life of fame, returning to Buffalo, NY. You have completely lost me.Kn…

SEXpense Report

NOW THAT I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION...

For someone as cheapfrugal future-rich (?) as me, there's no better feeling than expensing something. NOTHING better. Usually I forget about it and then my paycheck is bigger. It's the old person equivalent of finding $20 in your winter coat.

But before you can make it Gatsby-rain, you have to submit the ol' expense report, including an itemized receipt.
Recently at the office, I realized my wrists were hurting from typing all day. I needed a wrist rest. I was told to go ahead and buy one off Amazon, then expense it. I also wanted a new notebook so I figured I would just throw this in, but only expense the wrist rest. 
Then this morning, I was alerted of a deal on one of the finest cinematic achievements in recent memory. So I threw it in there to round out for free shipping.  
Even though I'm only expensing the wrist rest, I have to submit the itemized receipt for the order. So here is what our professional 3rd party auditors will be …