CJ's Important Summer Tips

Summer is here. It's hot. Lucky for you, I've compiled a list of helpful tips to make sure you get the most out of summer.

  • Put your undershirt in the freezer for 5 minutes before you leave the house. (Yes, very similar to one of my winter tips, but still effective)
  • You can never have too much Gold Bond.

"Hey Gold Bond, say hello to my little friend."

  • "Seersucker" is NOT a sex move.
  • Never overlook the "L" in "Hey Chris, dive into our PUBLIC POOL"
  • Do some 'shups before wearing a tank top so you really make that barbwire pop.
  • A bandana on your head is a great way to let everyone know you live in a basement.

"I live in a basement."

  • Instead of using water, fill your Super Soaker with cold Go-Gurt.
  • Movie theaters are a great place to cool off. Unless you're watching a Ryan Gosling movie, am I right ladyz?
  • The best use of a Camelbak: Slurpees.
  • Download this song. Put it on your phone. Play it at parties. Fight off women.

  • Float a river. Hard
  • When a restaurant hostess asks if you'd be OK to sit outside, maniacally laugh uncontrollably at her.
  • If you have to go camping, fill up your sleeping bag with dry ice. You'll stay cool AND look cool with the sublimation process (and for using the word 'sublimation'). 
  • Always be ready for a shirtless game of sand volleyball. Get 'ready' by perfecting this high five beforehand. Also, ask your friends to call you "Iceman".

Stayin' Cool,