CJ's Important Summer Tips
Summer is here. It's hot. Lucky for you, I've compiled a list of helpful tips to make sure you get the most out of summer.
- Put your undershirt in the freezer for 5 minutes before you leave the house. (Yes, very similar to one of my winter tips, but still effective)
- You can never have too much Gold Bond.
|"Hey Gold Bond, say hello to my little friend."|
- "Seersucker" is NOT a sex move.
- Never overlook the "L" in "Hey Chris, dive into our PUBLIC POOL"
- Do some 'shups before wearing a tank top so you really make that barbwire pop.
- A bandana on your head is a great way to let everyone know you live in a basement.
|"I live in a basement."|
- Instead of using water, fill your Super Soaker with cold Go-Gurt.
- Movie theaters are a great place to cool off. Unless you're watching a Ryan Gosling movie, am I right ladyz?
- The best use of a Camelbak: Slurpees.
- Download this song. Put it on your phone. Play it at parties. Fight off women.
- Float a river. Hard.
- When a restaurant hostess asks if you'd be OK to sit outside, maniacally laugh uncontrollably at her.
- If you have to go camping, fill up your sleeping bag with dry ice. You'll stay cool AND look cool with the sublimation process (and for using the word 'sublimation').
- Invest in a 'sweat bucket'.
- Always be ready for a shirtless game of sand volleyball. Get 'ready' by perfecting this high five beforehand. Also, ask your friends to call you "Iceman".