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My First Ballet


My girlfriend always says, "Sometimes in a relationship, you do things the other person wants to do that you might not want to because that's love. Like making me go see Danny Brown. Or when you'll eventually take me to the ballet." Then I laugh and cry and laugh and cry again. Love.

So for Christmas, I bought her tickets to the Nutcracker because I am a good boyfriend. The best, really. Very great. Super.

"You're a tough nut to crack, Mr. Rat.
But I'm going to try.
With this sword. And these tights."
 - the Nutcracker's catchphrase
I had my obvious testosterone-fueled reservations at first. But I have to say, the ballet was really impressive. The live music was fantastic. The set designs were terrific. It's a shame that I had THIS stuck in my head the entire time.

Being my first time to see the Nutcracker, I had some trouble wrapping my head around some of the plot. It was the Nashville version so maybe the traditional story makes more sense. I wish there was an unlimited database of knowledge at my fingertips that would offer me some way to find out. I guess we'll never know.

Alright, so the main little girl (approximately 12 years old) becomes obsessed with a wooden nutcracker.
Probably where the name comes from.

A dude (approximately 30 years old) appears at her parents' party. Based on his clothes, it's obvious he's meant to be the Nutcracker.
Is this a big reveal later? Does anyone understand context clues? Does no one? Doesn't no one not never?

The girl has a huge crush on him.
I'm assuming because he's attractive and does ballet.

She falls asleep and dreams that he is, in fact, the Nutcracker personified as some sort of Prince Charming.
Ok. Let's just say that the Nutcracker really is a Prince trapped inside a wooden "doll". Dear little girl, your dreamboat Prince Charming cracks nuts for a living. You will be on a budget for the rest of your life. Also, he's 30. Yuck. But ok. I'll accept that the heart wants what the heart wants. Especially when you're 12, Taylor Swift.

Disproportionate head and bulge
Once the girl falls asleep, the show starts reflecting her dreams and gets pretty good. They parade out different internationally inspired dances. There's a snake charmer, a Chinese dragon, and a lady with an enormous theatrical tall dress with dancers coming out from under. My personal favorites were the little mice played by kids who were really talented, but still slightly out of sync with each other. Cute.

Dry clean only

So I survived. I enjoyed it. I didn't have to miss a big football game to go. I didn't put a bunch of points in the ongoing Relationship Debits & Credits T-chart that I don't have. I didn't complain. And I'm not complaining now. I went in with an open mind and I really did enjoy it.

The lesson we can all take away from my horizon-expanding experience is that I truly and deeply am a really good boyfriend.

Always Be Crackin',
CJ

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