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Showing posts from September, 2014

How Do You Advertising?

There's been an annoying and disturbing trend in advertising recently.

Agencies take a noun—sometimes brands are cocky enough to use their own name—and turn it into a verb, defying the laws of Merriam AND Webster. Wiping their lower halves with the pages of the dictionary, brands usually force the noun-verb transformation as an explanation of how to use a product or as a way of asking people how they already use it.

Here are a few very recent examples:

How Do You KFC?
How do I KFC? it. Right? I'm not sure how many ways you can slice it. It's chicken. You either use a fork or your hands. And you eat it out of a bucket.

To continue the KFC theme of odd requests, there is currently a push on their website to do the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge using the KFC chicken bucket. Their reasoning isn't to help create awareness of a horrible and debilitating disease in the hopes of a cure. It's because they, and I quote, "know a thing or two about buckets."…

Listen Here

I like to talk. A lot. Like a lot. A whole bunch.

I even started this blog so I could essentially talk to myself.

In conversation, I find myself trying to come up with my next point, then eagerly waiting until I can interject my obviously superior knowledge. Half the time it's some selfish point about how I can relate. And it's usually a stretch: "I completely understand what you're saying about your 2 week trip to Thailand. Last night, I ate some take-out Thai on my couch."

My attempts at empathy have become (not-so) veiled self indulgence.

I need to stop.

In this digital age, everything is so immediate, except for dialogue. You can wait a few minutes to respond to an email. You can wait a few minutes to respond to a text. You can soak in what someone is saying; comprehend it; and formulate a response.

When faced with a real in-person conversation, your response needs to be more immediate. But why does mine have to be blurted out before the person I'm talkin…

I run. I'm not a runner.

I run. I'm not a runner. There's a difference.

I have no desire to run a marathon, a half marathon, or even a 5k. My desire to run is directly correlated to my desire to eat more later.

In fact, for motivation, I dangle an old photo of myself on a stick in front of me.

Until I graduated college, I had never run farther than a mile.  Part of the reason is because no matter what point I'm at in the run, I'm wheezing like an asthmatic pug. But most of the reason is because running sucks. It does. Just admit it. Everyone admit it. Running does not feel good. I feel horrible doing it. I look horrible doing it. And I'm horrible at it.

The idea of a runner's high sounds great to me. Yet, I've never gotten it. I've felt good while running before, but it's never outweighed how good I feel sitting on the couch playing video games. But after college, I needed to lose all of the weight I gained by feeling good on the couch playing video games.

So I started runn…

Bai Bai, N.Y.!

A few months ago, I sang Vitamin C's "Friends Forever (Graduation Song)" to the Statue of Liberty, left New York City, and moved to Nashville.

Looking back, I never saw myself living in New York for any amount of time, especially not the four years that I did. Rewind back those four years, before my NYC excursion. At that time, Texas was the only place I called home. And I couldn't wait to get out. So four years ago, I left Texas. I put on my newsboy cap, sharpened my rat stick (The Rat Attack™), and moved to New York City.

I quickly realized that leaving Texas finally helped me appreciate Texas:
40 degree wintersFriendsFamilyCheap beer

But Texas still had its downsides:
400 degree summersFriends getting married at age 21, then never seeing them againFamily reminding you that your friends got married at age 21 and asking when you last saw themNot enough beer to deal with your family's reminders 

So I left Texas and moved to New York City.

I get asked all the time i…