Baseball Boy Wins the Pennant
"Playoffs. Playoffs." I say as an original expression.
I am the Baseball Boy. It is October. It is time for baseball playoffs.
The official Baseball Playoffs Holiday begins October 1 and ends October 31. My Halloween costume every year is that of a gravestone marked: R.I.P. Last Season. There's Always Next Year. This is when I mourn the loss of the baseball season. A scary time for me, the Baseball Boy.
Denial. The baseball season is not over.
Anger. Why have you done this, baseball gods? I gave you everything. I gave you my Ken Griffey Jr. rookie card.
Bargaining. Baseball gods, if you bring baseball back to me, I will give you another Ken Griffey Jr. rookie card.
Depression. What will I do with all of these Ken Griffey Jr. rookie cards?
Acceptance. I can barter the Ken Griffey Jr. rookie cards for next season's tickets.
This cycle repeats every October 31.
Right now, we are in the beginning of October. Halloween is far away.
Many have asked, wishing to expose me as a fraud, who my favorite team is. I must settle this once and for all.
My favorite team is the sport of baseball itself. My loyalty to the bat and ball, the bases, the gloves. The foul poles. The hot dog man. All these things are my team. My team has made the playoffs.
It is why every day in October I will be taking champagne showers. I must cleanse in champagne as is playoff tradition.
I paid a plumbing man to put a champagne supply line in my bathroom. He said it would cost me. I told him money is no issue. I am the Baseball Boy.
Turns out, a custom champagne shower is not cheap. I am cleansed in champagne, but cleaned of money. I can no longer buy baseball playoff tickets. This disaster leaves me humbled. The plumbing man was right. The champagne shower cost me. It cost me more than money.
Halloween is closing in on me.
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